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It’s Not You, It’s Them

Dating apps are designed to keep you single. Here is how they do it.

28/10/2021
Image by Tumisu through Pixabay

You finally took your friends’ advice and joined a dating app. You added your best photos, wrote a cool intro, swiped left and right, exchanged messages, went on a few dates... You really tried. Mom would be proud.

There is just one problem: You are still single.

You might begin to doubt yourself: Is it my looks? Am I not interesting enough? Are my standards too high? Or you might blame potential partners: People on this app are so bland! Why do they disappear mid-conversation? No one is serious about building a relationship!

Image of lonely woman holding a smartphone
You gave it your best shot. Why are you still single?
(Image by Anastasia Gepp through Pixabay)

Before blaming yourself or the rest of humanity, consider another possible suspect. Most dating apps sell monthly subscriptions or paid features, which gives them an incentive to keep you single and engaged in the search. They can’t stop you from meeting people, but they can stack the odds against you finding a lasting relationship.

How do dating apps sabotage your search for love?

First, they ignore your matchmaking preferences and show you irrelevant people, to create an illusion of endless choice. As soon as you "like" someone, the next in line pops up. After getting a "match", you become more likely to get additional ones. The goal is to keep you swiping; to keep you busy.

Second, dating apps often add game-like elements such as “Super Likes”, “Boost”, “Hearts” or “Presents”. They essentially turn dating into a competitive sport. Singles become addicted to the “game”, and forget the end goal of finding a lasting relationship.

Image of man swiping on dating profiles
How many “matches” did you get today?
(Image by Karolina Grabowska through Pexels)

Worst of all, dating apps encourage a meat-market mentality. Men must reach out to as many women as possible if they hope to get any reply. Women are flooded with shallow (and often disrespectful) messages. Everyone switches from one chat to the next, judging each other for the stupidest things, “ghosting” people who might turn out to be amazing partners.

What can you do about it?

Now that you know how dating apps manipulate you, you can take certain steps to improve your results. Don’t be distracted by endless swiping. Create an interesting profile, focus on partners with real potential, and give them a fair chance.

But let’s face it: There is only so much you can do when the game is rigged. What you really need is a dating app that works for you, rather than against you.

That’s why we created Loomino: a dating platform designed by daters, for daters. Our goal is to offer the most effective matchmaking algorithm, as well as a more pleasant dating environment. We deliver great partners directly to your inbox, and help you focus on the people who count - until you find your one.

Tired of swiping?

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